


I Used To Obsess Over Living, Now I Only Obsess Over You

by analester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, Stockholm Syndrome, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 03:51:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7669036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/analester/pseuds/analester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan loves Phil, or at least the Phil that is put out on the internet. But this isn't enough for Dan. He wants to know more about Phil. Stalker!Dan AU where he kidnaps Phil and tries to get him to love him... and eventually, he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> fic for phandom big bang 2015 ! beta'ed by tumblr user markipliersflannel and art is by tumblr user awesomewolfyx55

If you looked at Dan Howell from the outside, you would see him as a regular 18 year old man minding his way through the street. He was just like the average person; ordering the same food, and following the same general routine: wake up, eat, go to school or day job, come back, eat, sleep, and repeat. If you looked at Dan from the outside, he doesn’t seem like a bad person. However, this was just his outside. 

If you got to know him, you would find out that Dan was far from normal. Sure, there wasn’t anything in particular that was wrong on the surface, but Dan really wasn’t normal.

Dan was picky. He was picky about what to wear and what to eat, so by the time he turned 18, he was in a dark place. The pressures of becoming an adult were starting to weigh him down and the burning question of _“Where am I going for university, why can’t I decide, oh god,”_ was starting to physically affect him. The acting career that he had tried so hard to aspire became a massive fail, and there wasn’t another occupation that he really wanted. 

Why weren’t there any jobs that Dan liked? Why was he so picky? Why did he grow bored so easily? Maybe he was broken. Maybe Dan needed something, or someone, to help him get through it. 

With this all in mind, Dan started dating. He started dating girls, boys, anyone that showed even a spark of interest in him. Despite all of this, it didn’t help Dan’s case at all.

With every person he dated, he started to set up standards of who was acceptable to him. He picked up the qualities he liked from his girlfriends and boyfriends, and set up a list of attributes to judge his future partners on. He wanted someone who was lovable, who listened to him when he was sad, and who was generally caring and cuddly. Oh god, he really wanted someone who cuddled. But the more he dated, the more he started to lose faith. Dan would never find his anchor, he would never be happy again. That was, until he stumbled upon a certain man that changed his life forever.

Phil Lester, also well known as AmazingPhil, was his name. Dan never meant to come across Phil’s videos, but when he did, he knew Phil was the one.

Phil met all of the standards Dan set up, and Dan started to slowly fall in love with him, or at least that’s what he thought. Dan was simply only in love with the personality Phil displayed on the internet, and if it were up to Dan, he wouldn’t have it any other way. It didn’t matter though. Dan already decided that he loved Phil.

There was no reason not to love Phil, and Dan was already so in love with him. But there was so much that Dan really didn’t know about Phil and he wanted to know more. He wanted to know if lions really were Phil’s favorite animal or if they were just a random animal he thought of from the start. He wanted to know what _type_ of fire and petrol scent Phil liked so he could set things on fire and discover that same exact smell.

So Dan started to watch Phil’s videos more avidly to the point where he almost memorized every single word of every single line of every single video that he made. He made sure to find out all of the social media websites Phil used and followed them to make sure he didn’t miss a single update, even though most of his posts were the same from one site to the other. Dan made Phil his number one priority above anything and everyone else.

If you looked at Dan Howell like this, you would think of him as crazy, almost psychotic. But in Dan’s mind, he wasn’t. In Dan’s mind, he was a dedicated fan that just loved Phil Lester. A dedicated fan that wanted Phil to fall in love with him.

But how could Dan possibly have Phil fall in love with him if he had never met him before?

The thought of meeting Phil and actually becoming friends with him never occurred to Dan before. However, the more Dan thought about it, the more he became smitten with the idea. He could meet Phil and be one of those lucky people that knew Phil personally. He could be Phil’s best friend and possibly his boyfriend. He could make AmazingPhil fall in love with him.


	2. Chapter 2

In Phil’s quiet home, not a thing was heard. It was particularly lonely in his parent’s house, having no one to keep him company except the internet. 

Except right now, Phil was not on the internet. He was simply too afraid.

Ever since about a couple of weeks ago, Phil had been receiving countless amounts of tweets and Youtube comments from the same person. 

Phil usually had a small audience watching his videos, however now, his audience was steadily growing and he was satisfied with that. The growing audience Phil had made it easy for him to recognize some of the fans; some more so than others. But this same person was too easy for him to recognize.

Twitter, Youtube, Dailybooth, and MySpace user _danisnotonfire_ was that exact person. Dan seemed like a pretty chill guy when he first subscribed to Phil. He used to comment occasionally, favoriting or retweeting Phil’s tweets when they were worthy, and then move on with his day. Phil was fine with that.

Over the course of the two weeks, however, something changed.

Dan started commenting more and more on Phil’s videos, replying to every single tweet of Phil’s, and it wasn’t just the constant replies and comments he got from Dan that started to drive him crazy. It was what Dan actually said in those comments that started to send Phil off the edge. 

The comments started out as nice and simple. There were comments like, “I could go swimming in your eyes,” or it would answer the question Phil would usually ask at the end of his videos. Phil was flattered, if anything, but then things started to spiral out of control after that.

Dan started asking Phil to talk more about his past and pushing him past limits that he wasn’t comfortable passing. Phil decided to ignore the messages and just keep doing what he was doing. It started to become hard when he woke up to almost more that 50 notifications on his phone solely from Dan. 

Naturally, that was the last straw for Phil.

He glares at his screen and rolls his eyes, tapping on danisnotonfire’s profile. He hated to do this to such a dedicated fan of his, but Dan was starting to get creepy and maybe by doing this, Dan will learn to know his limits.

So Phil blocks the user _danisnotonfire_ and feels a weight being lifted off of his shoulders. 

There. At least I don’t have to worry about him anymore, Phil thinks, smiling to himself.

Oh, how he spoke too soon. 

-

Dan wakes up with an odd feeling in his gut. Something really didn’t feel right to him. Pushing his duvet off of his body, he stands up and opens his laptop. He always makes sure that he doesn’t miss one of Phil’s tweets. How will he ever get his attention if he misses a single tweet?

When Dan clicks on Phil’s twitter page, he finally knew what that feeling was in his gut. It wasn’t the fact that he didn’t eat breakfast yet, or the fact that he skipped dinner the previous night. It was the fact that AmazingPhil, his idol, his one true love, had blocked him on Twitter.

Dan didn’t know what to say, so he refreshes the page, hoping it was just a mistake. When it reloads the same way, Dan refreshes the page five more times, almost breaking his keyboard in the process. Dan feels the anger starting to bubble up inside of him.

 _How can Phil do this? Am I not enough for him? I’m perfect for Phil, why would he do such a thing?_ Dan thinks to himself, hot, angry tears spilling from his eyes. He did everything to get Phil’s attention. He didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing. How was Dan supposed to catch Phil’s attention now? There was no way to contact him because, surprise, Phil had blocked him on every single social media website that Dan was following him on. 

Dan pulls his hair in frustration. There wasn’t another way to talk to Phil. Phil was supposed to fall in love with Dan. Phil was supposed to be his anchor. What was Dan going to do now? There was no way of contacting Phil what he did wrong unless…

And that’s when it hit him.

He’ll have to ask Phil _personally_. 

-

Dan spends the next week cooped up in his room with nothing to eat or drink except coffee and donuts. Donuts were included because he needed food to go along with the coffee. He was going to be pulling a lot late nighters in order to find Phil’s house address.

He starts with using Phil’s first video. You would think it would be difficult to work out the location where the camera was used since it was from a cereal box. But for Dan, this didn’t even seem like a challenge to him. 

It was quite easy to find out how the camera worked since it was simple, and there wasn’t anything advanced about it yet. Dan smiled to himself as he found the exact _coordinates_ to the place where Phil filmed his first ever video blog. The place where Phil filmed his first video happened to be his house. 

Dan smiles in victory, shaking slightly as coffee pumped through his veins. It had been a week before he made his breakthrough, and it was all so very worth it. All that’s left to do is work out a time when Phil’s parents wouldn’t be home and he could buy a ticket to meet his one true love. Everything was falling into place and Dan was loving it. 


	3. Chapter 3

Today was the day. Today was the day that Dan had been planning and dreaming of since the day he discovered Phil’s existence. He found out that every March, his family takes a vacation to Florida and takes Phil along with them. However, this time, Phil wasn’t planning on going. Perfect.

Dan wakes up relatively early, 5:30am, finalising everything that he was planning on bringing. Despite going to Phil’s house and coming back on the same day, it would still take a long time considering how far away they lived from each other. 

The first thing that Dan brings in his bag is rohypnol. He wasn’t planning on using it on Phil, but you could never be so sure. Phil could try to run away, and that’s something that Dan wouldn’t want happening. That would be plain rude. Dan just wanted a civil conversation with Phil, and he can’t have it when Phil is trying to run away. Really, the rohypnol was only there just in case. 

-

The train ride was very long. Dan would yawn and roll his eyes every time the conductor would say that they will be arriving shortly. However, with every announcement, Dan started to buzz with excitement. He was finally going to meet his anchor and have him fall in love with him.

The train finally arrived at Dan’s stop, making him jump out of his seat and rush to the door, waiting for it to open. He couldn’t wait anymore, he didn’t need to waste anymore time. He had to get to Phil’s place.

Dan had memorised the way to Phil’s house even though he had never actually been there. But staring at the route he was planning on taking, it somehow got engraved into his brain. He needed to see Phil, and he had to get there before Phil decided to leave the house. 

The walk took about half an hour. If Dan was his normal self, he would usually complain about the amount of exercise he was doing. But Dan wasn’t normal anymore. He believed he couldn’t ever be normal until he had his anchor. He _needed_ his anchor. 

Phil was the only person that could possibly fix Dan. Dan believed Phil was the perfect person to encourage him to get through the rest of his uni work, the person to give him happy smiles when days weren’t exactly happy, the person that would help him destress with blowjobs when the world wasn’t on Dan’s side. 

He thinks how perfect his life could be. His whole life, he had been in this pit of despair, dating guys and girls, never finding the perfect person, his anchor, until he came across Phil’s videos. This trip, this walk to Phil’s home was the moment of truth. This single leap of faith would tell Dan if Phil really wants to have a future with Dan, if he really wants to love him. 

When Dan approaches Phil’s house, he snaps out of his internal monologue. It’s relatively secluded, seeming like a normal house in a normal neighborhood. But this house was far from normal. This was Phil Lester’s house, the AmazingPhil’s house, and this was a big deal for Dan. 

Dan walks up to the doorstep, not yet knocking. He was surprisingly hesitant to strike up a conversation with Phil. Even drama kids as good as himself got nervous sometimes, despite whether they were taught to overcome that fears or not. What was he going to say anyway? “Hi, I’m that twitter user danisnotonfire that you blocked on all social media websites. Why did you do that, I thought we were meant to be?”

No, too forward, but Dan guesses that’s the only way to get his point across. Satisfied with his decision, he brings his hand up to knock. 

-

Phil was home alone and usually, he was fine with the idea. He could literally walk around naked with no judgement, and it wasn’t as if he was embarrassed of his body. He was tall, skinny, although horribly unfit. 

It wasn’t a surprise that Phil was just chilling on his laptop with no clothes on, not giving a care about who saw him. But then the sinking feeling in his stomach returns and he felt completely vulnerable. He gets up and pulls a t-shirt and some jeans on, feeling a little better. He makes his way back downstairs and sees someone standing in front of his door. He didn’t hear a knock, so he assumes that the person must’ve not been there for long. 

Being the nice person that he was, Phil walks up to the door and almost opens it. He peeks through the window next to the door to see if it was anyone he knows, and oh, it definitely was. 

There stood outside his house was Dan Howell, or danisnotonfire, the creepy fan that asked invasive questions and tried to DM him nudes. Somehow, he managed to work out where Phil lived and Phil doesn’t know what’s creepier: the fact that a fan found out where he lives and his address could quite possibly be on the internet forever, or the fact that Dan found where he lives and he could quite possibly kill him right then and there. Suddenly, Phil was regretting the decision to block Dan, afraid of what he’s gotten himself into.

Before he could do anything else, he quickly, but quietly races up the stairs and hides in the attic, closing the door behind him, using his broken phone’s “built-in torch” as the only light. Phil starts shaking as he hears a knock on the door. 

 _Shit_ , he thinks, _I’m so screwed._


	4. Chapter 4

_Knock knock._

The only sound resonating throughout the whole house. Phil allows one tear to slip from his eyes, convincing himself that Dan wasn’t as bad as he thinks, and Dan will opt out and go home. Phil knew the dangers of becoming a Youtuber, but he never thought he would ever come across people this crazy.

_Knock knock._

The knocks were getting louder, more angrier, but Phil thinks he’s okay. There’s no way that that small 18 year old kid could kick the door down. But then again, he worked out Phil’s exact coordinates, he could quite possibly pick the lock or go through a window. Shit, did Phil forget to lock the windows?

_Knock knock._

Phil closes his eyes. This isn’t happening, this is not happening. He was a good person. He got decent grades in school, didn’t get into any school fights, or get addicted to drugs. A bead of cold sweat slides down his face, meeting the hot tear that slipped out of his eye.

_Knock. Knock._

This was it. Phil could’ve escaped in this time. Why was he so stupid? He literally could’ve gone through a window or something. This whole situation could’ve been avoided. He blames his fight or flight response, not even using the “flight response” correctly.

Phil can hear a faint voice coming from outside.

“Phil, I know you’re in there. You can’t hide from me. I know things,” Dan smirks, talking loudly so Phil could hear him.

“If you don’t open the door, I’m gonna have to find a way to get in there myself, and I don’t think you want that. You’re going to regret it if you don’t let me in,” Dan says tauntingly. Phil should’ve listened. He should’ve opened the door. He’s making things worse.

_Knock._

_Knock._

That was the last one he heard because 10 seconds later, Phil was still not opening the door and this was possibly the worst mistake he has ever made. His legs were brought to his chest, hugging them ever so tightly. He hears the door open and the security system ring, letting Phil know that Dan, indeed, made himself into the house.

“Phiiiiilll…” Dan’s voice was ringing through the seemingly empty house, “I know you’re in here…”

Phil shuts his eyes, his knuckles turning white from holding his legs too tightly. Dan’s footsteps were getting closer, and Phil knows that he should have some sort of weapon for defense, but he was so afraid he would give his spot away, given he was very clumsy. Phil starts hyperventilating, everything starting to seem hot and cold at the same time, and he starts shaking even faster. It was uncontrollable, and Phil’s arms were hurting, and everything was just aching, and Phil doesn’t know what to do.

But he could easily call 999 with his phone.

 _Oh my god, I could call 999 and get myself out of this situation._ With quivering hands, Phil dials 999, pressing the call button, praying that there was a some sort of entity to answer his call right now. 

“999, what’s your emergency?” the person says from the phone.

“I’m- um, there’s a person that broke into my house, and I’m in the attic, and I don’t know what to do,” Phil half whispers, half sobs into the phone. 

“Hang on, sir, you are going to have to say very quiet until the authorities get here. We can track your location with your phone, try to stay calm. Remember, stay silent,” they reply, trying to act as fast as they can.

They hang up, but Phil can’t hang up. His ‘end call’ button was broken and if he didn’t hang up, the dial tone will start ringing and that could give his hiding place away. But what was he supposed to do?

Panic starts rising again and Phil doesn’t know what to do. Dan’s footsteps were getting alarmingly closer and he could almost hear him breathing. If Phil could hear Dan’s breathing, Dan could definitely hear his.

“Phil? Is that you? I think I can hear you. Are you in the attic?” Dan starts bringing down the ladder, opening the way to the attic. Phil almost whimpers as light was now brightening the room, the only room where Phil felt safe. 

Right when things couldn’t get any worse, the dial tone starts ringing, and Phil lets out a yelp of surprise. Dan, hearing this, climbs up the ladder faster, knowing that he finally found Phil.

Dan was now in the attic, staring at Phil, who was curled up in a ball, afraid to look him in the eye.

“Phil, Phil, Phil… What are you doing up here?” Dan approaches Phil, heart beating fast and palms sweaty. Poor Phil, he’s just getting himself in more trouble. 

Phil looks up at Dan and sees him grinning. It almost looked demented. He wanted nothing more than to run, or hide, or just be somewhere that wasn’t here, because a creepy fan has found where he lives and god knows what he’s actually going to do with Phil. Phil says nothing and looks down, his hands closing into fists. This is the only defense he’s got and he’s going to use it until he can’t.

Before Dan could try to continue to talk, Phil jumps up and swings his fist, hitting Dan square in the jaw. 

“I thought this was going to be easy, Phil. I really didn’t want to do this to you,” Dan’s voice shaking with anger. He springs towards Phil, kicking Phil’s ankle so he falls. Phil yelps in pain as Dan grabs his wrists, keeping him from defending himself. Dan, still holding Phil’s hands together, reaches into his bag and pulls out his ‘emergency rohypnol’, almost dropping it because of Phil’s relentless force. Phil’s eyes widen at Dan’s strength. He really didn’t think he would be so strong.

“Let me go!” Phil yells, praying that the authorities will get here soon. Why were they taking so long anyways?

“Oh, I bet you’re wondering about that 999 call. Well, you see,” Dan laughs almost playfully, “I was able to direct them to another location. How unfortunate.”

Tears were attempting to fall from Phil’s eyes as he sees how serious Dan was.

“Okay! Okay, I’ll talk to you. Please, let me go,” Phil sighs in defeat. Dan hesitantly lets go of Phil’s wrists and Phil’s arms were brought down to his sides, his whole body becoming completely pliant.

“Oh, Phil, you really think I’m gonna let you off that easy? You punched me in the face. Lovers aren’t supposed to do that…” Dan’s voice seemed trail off, making Phil look up, only to see that Dan wasn’t in front of him anymore. 

 _Where is he?_ was Phil’s last thought before an overwhelming smell filled his system and everything went black.

“Oh, Phil…”


	5. Chapter 5

Pitch black. He could see absolutely nothing but pitch black, and to be quite honest, it was anything and everything but comforting. All Phil craved was comfort because the room was black and he was possibly alone. Well, almost alone. 

Phil wakes up seeing nothing but darkness, not a sliver of light to be seen anywhere. He feels a blindfold covering his eyes, keeping him from seeing anything but the depressing colour. Along with the blindfold, his hands were bound to something, keeping him from ripping off his blindfold or attempting anything. 

His senses were heightened though, making it even more scary. He couldn’t hear anything except a slight buzzing from the air conditioning. The smell was humid and he could barely breathe. It felt stuffy and empty at the same time, a feeling Phil never wanted to get used to.

Usually Phil was one to stay positive and look at the good side of the situation, except maybe this one. It was hard to stay optimistic, given the circumstance.

At this point, tears start escaping Phil’s eyes, wetting the fabric over his eyes. He allows himself to let out little whimpers because it’s not like anyone will see him like this anyways. No one probably wouldn’t even notice he was gone, not with his parents on vacation and with Dan probably having access to all of Phil’s social media accounts. They would all think that Phil is safe and sound and he’s the one behind the cute tweets about animals or how crippling clumsy he is. 

He doesn’t even know how he got here. He’s been awake for probably about 5 minutes, but it feels like hours. Will he be blindfolded forever? Will he even get food to eat? What does Dan want with him?

As if on cue, Dan steps in to see Phil sitting on the bed, hands tied to the headboard, looking like he was about to pee himself. He speaks, causing Phil to jump.

“Aw, Phil, you look so cute when you’re scared out of your mind,” Dan cooed, approaching closer to the bed. He brings his hand to Phil’s face to stroke his cheek, making Phil flinch under his touch. Dan frowns at Phil’s reaction. Why won’t Phil love him?

“Wh-what do you want, Dan?” Phil asks, his voice quivering with fear. Dan smiles at the use of his name. Phil actually knew his name, really knows his name. Dan removes the blindfold from Phil’s eyes, hoping that if he saw his face, he wouldn’t resist anymore. Phil’s eyes adjust to the poorly lit room. 

From what he could tell, he was in a basement. It was pretty well managed, not like the one Phil had in mind. This basement had a bed in which he sat on and the stairs leading up to the actual house. It wasn’t much, but at least there weren’t any spiders, bugs, or Spanish Inquisition torture weapons anywhere to be seen. Phil sighs in relief, making Dan smile.

“Well, all I wanted was a little chat with you about something that you’ve done recently… Do you remember what that something was, Phil?” Dan’s smile was growing, becoming more ominous and evil. Phil’s heart started beating fast again, feeling like it could explode out of his chest at any minute. One wrong word, phrase, or sentence and he could be killed. From what Dan had done so far, it wouldn’t be a surprise to him if one of his special skills were murdering people. 

“I-I b-blocked you,” Phil’s bottom lip was quivering and he swears he was going to cry again, even if all his tears have run out. 

“That’s right. Now why would you do such a thing?” Dan asks, getting up and pacing back and forth in front Phil, watching as Phil’s eyes follow his every move. The poor guy looks like a child who’s balloon just got popped. How pitiful.

“I didn’t want to see your tweets anymore,” Phil started, “They were getting too personal and I needed them to stop.”

Dan stops pacing to look at Phil, cocking his head to the side. His lips were pressed in a thin line and narrows his eyes at Phil.

“You could’ve asked me to stop, you know. It didn’t have to get this complicated,” Dan reasons, but his eyes and smile told a different story. Dan really didn’t mind that Phil blocked him. This only gave him a reason to find out where he lived and make him fall in love with him. Phil was his anchor, and everything was meant to happen for a reason, and Dan was a strong believer that Phil blocking him was to send him a signal that he loves him too. 

Phil didn’t believe Dan for a second, and Dan almost told him the truth, but Dan kept to his word and tried to keep his ‘I’m an innocent fan’ facade. 

“Why do I not believe you?” Phil snaps. He was getting tired and at this point, he might as well be dead. Dan was crazy and he was never getting out of here. Why not push his luck? This caused Dan to glare at Phil. Clearing his throat, he began to speak.

“You know, Phil, I really didn’t want to tell you this, but you left me with no choice. You want to know why I really kidnapped you? I am in love with you, like many other girls, except I’m more in love with you, and you know what? I believe you love me too,” Dan smiles genuinely, looking at Phil’s face change from anger to horror.

“Dan, that’s crazy,” Phil states in disbelief. He hadn’t even met the kid once or spoke to him before now and he thinks that he’s in love with him? Phil’s throat goes dry and now he _knows_ he’s not going to get out of here. Not until Dan makes him love him, and that’s something Phil _really_ does not want to do. He’s not here to appease Dan. He just wants to go home.

Dan continues as if he didn’t hear Phil’s comment, “I only came by to talk to you. Why did you hide and fight back? Can’t you see we’re meant to be?”

Phil blinks twice, “How did you even find me?”

“I have my ways, you have yours. A good magician never reveals his secrets,” Dan smirks, starting to pace once again. Phil looks so scared and vulnerable. It would be easy to make him fall in love with him. All he had to was baby him and Phil would be wrapped around his finger in no time.

“Dan, please, let me go. You don’t want this,” Phil sobs in front of Dan for the first time he has been there. 

“Oh, Phil, but I do,” Dan states, leaving the room, “And don’t bother about trying to escape, even though I doubt you can wiggle your way out of those handcuffs. I lock the door to the basement too, in the event that that ever happens. I’ll see you later, Phil.”

Dan blows a kiss to Phil and saunters up the stairs, leaving Phil by himself. Phil relaxes his body, half happy to still be alive, but scared more than anything because he was still here. He couldn’t help the tears from spilling from his eyes, gasping and hiccuping, letting every emotion he has bottled up out, finally crying himself to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The sound of Phil’s stomach rumbling echoes against the wall of the basement. Phil opens his eyes and tries to blink the sleep away. He doesn’t know how long it has been, but he was still tied to the headboard and there was no food anywhere. How was he supposed to survive? Phil thought of many ways of how he could die when he was younger, but starvation hadn’t been one. 

Looking around the room to find any signs of food, his head snaps to the stairs when he hears the sound of the door unlocking. Footsteps can now be heard, and the smell of sausage and egg filled the room. Phil closes his eyes and inhales once, smiling to himself. The food smelled really good right now and he was pretty sure his insides were eating him alive.

“Good morning, Philly!” Dan yells cheerfully. There in his hand was the food Phil has been smelling. Phil was halfway thankful that it wasn’t a hallucination. “Are you hungry?”

Phil nods tiredly, pulling on the handcuffs to try and reach for the plate.

“No, no, no. Here, I will feed you,” Dan coos. Phil’s face heats up, embarrassed that this is what he had been reduced to, but Phil’s stomach rumbles again, and all he could do is nod.

Dan sits on Phil’s lap with the fork in his hand. Scooping up some eggs, he beckons Phil to open his mouth. Phil breathes out a long sigh through his nose and opens his mouth. He closes his eyes as the food enters his mouth, chewing eagerly and swallowing, opening his mouth for the next bite.

“Someone is a little too hungry, aren’t they?” Dan chuckles. Phil didn’t even have the energy to protest, he just wanted food. So Phil just kept his mouth open, waiting for Dan to give him more food.

“I like you like this, Phil. Quiet and listening. Makes me feel at home,” Dan comments, spooning another bite for Phil. Phil frowns as he takes the next bite, chewing and swallowing a little bit slower. 

“You never told me the real reason why I’m here, Dan,” Phil’s voice cracks. He hasn’t used it in a long time, and most of his cries were kept inside.

“Didn’t I already tell you? You’re the one for me and I know for a fact that I am the one for you. I can see it in your eyes. You love me too,” Dan smiles, feeding Phil. Phil’s face turns to one of confusion. How can Dan pick that up? Phil doesn’t even like him. How could he love him?

“You can’t go around kidnapping people, Dan. People have families,” Phil begs. Maybe he can be released through reason.

“I don’t… Not really,” Dan murmurs to himself. Phil’s head snaps up, his eyebrows furrowing together. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil pushes. Dan glares at Phil, but softens his eyes when he sees the sincerity in Phil’s. Without saying anything, Dan unlocks Phil’s hands and gets up from his lap. 

“You’re free to walk around. I’ll be back later for something else,” Dan exits the room and locks the door. He knows for sure that Phil won’t be able to pick the lock. Not when there is an alarm and other locks securing the door. Phil may be smart, but he wasn’t a lock-picking spy genius.

Leaving Phil in a room gave him time to think. There was something wrong with Dan and he knows it. Fans don’t kidnap their idols without a reason. It wasn’t because Dan solely loved Phil and he thought Phil loved him back. It had to be something else.

Phil notices that Dan left the plate on the bed. He grabs the plate and gulps the rest of it down, not even bothering to rationalise the food. Dan might not even be back until the night, or even the next morning. Phil still didn’t know the time, or whether it was day or night because of his circumstance. But at least he could walk around now. There wasn’t much he could do. 

Out of curiosity, he climbed the stairs leading up to the main floor, seeing that there wasn’t just one lock. There were too many and at this point, Phil knew he wasn’t getting out of there.

He should’ve accepted it sooner, but he thought Dan would come around. Feeling defeated, Phil plopped back on his bed and fell into a dreamless slumber.

-

Dan was pacing in his safe house room. He wasn’t home; of course he wasn’t home. He couldn’t risk his parents finding Phil and then calling the authorities. He needed Phil to get through his crisis, and if his parents take Phil away from him, Dan didn’t have a purpose to live.

He looks at his desk full of uni books and a notebook that wasn’t even halfway full of revision work. Dan presses his lips together in a line and turns around to face the other way, keeping himself from pushing the books off the table. Phil will help with revision once Dan knows he can trust him. He just needed a way to _know_. 

Then it hit him. 

He had come up with a perfect solution for his problem. This could solve both his and Phil’s problems. He would get through his uni work and receive Phil’s love, and in return, Phil would get Dan’s love as well. It’s a practical win/win/win situation.

Dan smiles to himself and heads back down to the basement. He checks the time, realising that the sun had already set. What has he been doing since brunch? He shrugs to himself, walking down the stairs to kiss Phil goodnight.

-

Phil sits up as he hears Dan unlocking the door again. Phil was counting the bricks that made up the wall. He made it to about 389 before he was interrupted.

“Hey, Dan,” Phil greets tiredly. There was no point in fighting Dan now. It was a battle that he was set up to lose.

“Aw, Phil, I knew you would come around,” Dan’s smile is wide, an almost crazy glaze in his eyes. Phil sighs to himself as Dan sits down next him on the not-so-comfy bed. 

 _No point_ , his brain tells Phil, _no point in fighting. You’re stuck here, you know? You’re stuck here with this crazy fanboy that thinks you’re in love with him._

Phil swallows, attempting to keep sobs from erupting from his throat. Dan sees Phil struggling and his eyebrows knit together in concern.

“What’s wrong, Phil?” Dan’s hand was now stroking Phil’s arm. He needed to get out. Every single touch from Dan felt like a burn. Phil closes his eyes.

_Bite back, it’s not worth it. You’re stuck here. You are stuck here._

“I know what will make things better,” Dan leans in, his hands on either side of Phil’s face, pulling Phil closer. 

_You’re stuck here. Let it happen._

Dan connects their lips and Phil has to try to not throw up. 

“I knew you loved me,” Dan smiles, “Though, you haven’t admitted it to me.”

Phil almost laughs. He could never, ever, have feelings for Dan. Dan kidnapped him. Dan’s invasive. Dan’s crazy and Phil knows it. He can never love Dan.

“So I came up with a condition. You enjoy food, right?” Dan asks innocently. Phil nods, his stomach growling at the mention of food. Dan chuckles darkly. He knows this is going to work. Phil will be wrapped around his finger in no time. 

“It’s simple, don’t worry about that. You don’t need to worry about starving to death or dying from dehydration. I will feed you, and take care of you and your basic necessities. Sound good so far?” Phil only nods. He believes Dan’s sincerity and that Dan will keep to his word, but there’s something about Dan’s tone. Something tells Phil that Dan wants more.

“Now here’s the catch. I will ask you if you love me everyday. If you say yes, I will do all that I have just said. If you say no, you get nothing for the rest of the day. Deal?” Dan gets up and paces in front of Phil, still maintaining eye contact with him. Phil tries not to cry. He can’t show any sign of weakness in front of Dan. Dan could hit him, or refuse to give him dinner, or breakfast, or even a place to piss in.

So Phil nods, watching as Dan’s grin grow. 

“Perfect,” Dan kisses Phil again rather forcefully and leaves the room. Phil melts into the bed and curls up in a ball, the tears now falling freely down his cheeks.

_Stuck. No escape. Stuck._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> major rape scene, read with caution.

From what Phil can feel, it has been a couple of days. He was getting tired, exhausted, even if all he did 75% of his time was sleep. Dan had been coming into his room every morning and every night so far, asking if Phil loved him. Phil stayed true to his word. Dan presses his lips to Phil’s still ones, and everything feels numb. 

Phil doesn’t feel safe. He doesn’t have any security. He is stuck in a basement with multiple locks on the door. At least he isn’t handcuffed anymore. At least he’s well fed and not starving to death. At least he has a bed to sleep on. Given so, Phil still cries himself to sleep every night.

-

It has been two days. Two days since Phil agreed to love Dan and Dan has been the happiest he has ever been. Believe it or not, he completed two revision packets, high on the fact that Phil Lester, AmazingPhil himself, said that he loved Dan back. The food he made was starting to get better, finding more recipes to make Phil happy. He thought he was making Phil happy too.

But the cries at night; Dan can hear them. He can hear Phil’s helpless whimpers and whines as he tries to will himself to sleep. Dan refuses to believe it was his wrong doing. He knows Phil is crying out of joy. He is happily crying because Dan loves Phil back.

-

“Rise and shine, Philip!” Dan shouts cheerfully, making Phil jerk up, awaking him from his blissful sleep. It was the first sleep he’s had with a happy dream and not a nightmare of Dan taking advantage of him in his sleep. So to be honest, Phil was awaken in the worst of moods.

Phil glares at the light that was shown from the top of the staircase and brings his knees to his chest. He wipes whatever sleep and happy dreams he had away from his eyes as the smell of well cooked breakfast was presented in front of him.

“I hope you like it. It’s the best thing that I’ve made so far, I think. I only want best for my boyfriend,” Dan’s tone was sweet. Too sweet for Phil’s liking. It was like eating 2,000 jellybeans all at once. It was that sickeningly sweet.

“I bet you’re hungry,” Dan giggles. Phil’s hands were free and his brain wasn’t telling him to hold back anymore. What was the point, now? He was just going to die here. 

_No point. Go for it. Hit him. What is there to lose?_

Dan looks up and stares straight into Phil’s eyes. They somehow maintained their blue shine, despite the dim lit room. “Phil, do you love me?”

Phil almost says yes by instinct, but then again, what did he have to lose? Dan could kill him for all he cared now. He didn’t want to be here. Being dead would be better than being stuck here. 

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Dan chuckles almost evilly. His brown eyes were no longer happy and the laughter crinkles  beside his eyes seemed almost non-existent. “Oh, Philip Michael Lester, you are making a big mistake.”

“Just… Just leave me alone, Dan. Please,” Phil was scared now. He hasn’t seen Dan like this since the episode in the attic, which was something Phil hated reliving. He starts to back away, farther away from Dan and towards the wall.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that. You need to learn how to love me,” Dan spits back, grabbing Phil’s legs to keep him from moving any farther. Where Dan’s fingers were gripping him felt like burns into his skin, a permanent scar that will never go away. Phil can’t stand it anymore. He pushes Dan’s hands off of him, not succeeding, causing Dan to grip even harder, eliciting a whine from Phil.

“I can’t love you, Dan! Don’t you see that? You’re crazy!” Phil screams. His throat was burning, but his heart was beating fast, a fire of anger still burning in his stomach.

“I’m not crazy! I’m dedicated! I have loved you since I came across your stupid videos! You ruined my life! You owe me! You have to love me!” Dan slaps Phil across the face, shutting him up. Phil whimpers, but that only spurs Dan on more. He pulls the handcuffs from out of his pocket, which he kept just in case things like this happen.

“Stop!” Phil yells, trying to escape Dan’s grasp. But where could he run? There was nowhere to run. Despite all of this, however, Phil just wanted to get away. He can’t have Dan violate him. He knows what’s going to happen and he doesn’t want to be here. Hot tears are streaming down Phil’s face again as Dan manages to sit on his legs, keeping him from kicking around. He grasps both of Phil’s wrists, connecting them to the headboard.

“Let me go!” Phil squirms underneath him. Dan lets out a moan as Phil rubs against his length. “You’re sick, Dan.”

“I bet you love it,” Dan spits back, ripping off Phil’s shirt. He drags his fingers all over Phil’s chest, his fingernails feeling like daggers. They might as well be. Dan’s hand massages Phil’s cock, feeling it harden beneath his fingers. Phil bites his lip, the more painful than pleasure feeling sending shock up and down his spines. 

“See? You love it, don’t you? You’re just as sick,” Dan sneers, laughing when his actions elicit a forced and dry moan from Phil. Phil is breathing hard now. It’s his body reacting to the touch. He wants it all to stop. There was pleasure coursing through his body, but he felt like he was going to vomit. Every touch, every kiss to his cock felt dirty. It felt dirty to have his pants and boxers on the floor and to have Dan’s mouth on him. It felt dirty to watch Dan finger himself to prepare for Phil. It felt dirty to feel Dan’s tightness around his dick.

“Dan, please, stop…” Phil groans out, his toes curling as Dan starts moving faster. Dan’s groans were on repeat, playing again and again and again in his head, engraving itself into his brain, the sound of their hips meeting resonating throughout the crummy basement. Phil sniffles before he sobs. Dan smiles and keeps moving, dirty words tumbling out of his mouth.

“You love it, don’t you, Phil. Love how tight my hole is around your fat cock? Who knew you were so big? Just enjoy it, Phil. I know you do. Look at that, your dick is so hard. It’s begging for release. I love you, Phil. You love me too, right?”

Phil doesn’t stop crying. He doesn’t stop when Dan comes all over his chest. He doesn’t stop when he spills into Dan. He doesn’t stop when Dan kisses him goodnight, not even bothering to give him a spare shirt. He doesn’t stop as he watches Dan saunter up the stairs, swinging his hips as if to taunt Phil.

_Dirty. Whore. Stuck. No point._

Phil doesn’t stop crying until Dan locks the door and he drowns in a puddle of tears. 


	8. Chapter 8

Phil wakes up with bruises all over his chests, and thighs, too sore to even move. His hands are still handcuffed to the bed, so there wasn’t any room to move. He doesn’t even remember Dan gripping him that hard. He just remembers the vivid part, the part where Dan would look at him darkly and in the eye, moving up and down on his length. Phil tries to blink back the memory, even hitting his head a few times against the bed. Dan left a permanent scar on Phil, and he decided that there was no way he could ever love Dan.

He jerks his head away from his thoughts as he hears the door unlocking. His heart starts beating faster than usual as he hears Dan humming a Muse song. It’s a shame they both enjoyed the same bands. They could’ve actually got along.

“Good morning, Phil! How are you feeling?” Dan asks innocently, seemingly acting like last night ever happened, but he knows it did, and he’s happy it happened. It just proved how much Phil loved him. He was hard enough to fuck Dan and cry through his orgasm. Dan has a plate of food for Phil and waves it in front of Phil’s face. Phil closes his eyes and takes in the scent. He doesn’t even remember the last time he actually ate something.

“Hungry? You know how this goes. Have you learned your lesson, Philip?” Dan coddles as if Phil was a little boy. Phil feels tears slipping down his cheeks as he tries to swallow the lump at the back of his throat so he could speak.

“Y-yes.”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” Dan smiles and unlocks the handcuffs, freeing Phil’s hands. Phil has to keep himself from clawing at Dan’s stupid, innocent looking face. Dan makes him sit up and climbs into his lap. He scoops food on the spoon and feeds it to Phil. “See? Things would be easier if you didn’t resist.”

Phil keeps his mouth shut, chewing the food in his mouth. He was tempted to spit it out at Dan, but after what happened yesterday, revolting against him was something he never wanted to experience again. The tears had stopped, but the lump in the back of his throat was still there, only disappearing when he swallowed.

“I’ll come back later tonight for a goodnight kiss. Maybe we can go farther than that tonight,” Dan winks as he walks up the stairs giggling to himself.

Phil can’t count how many times he has cried in the time he has been in Dan’s basement. This one definitely won’t be the last time. Dan is planning on ‘making love’ to him again and against his will too. Why won’t Dan see that Phil will never love him? He will never love him.

-

Dan was humming to himself again up in his room. He was staring at his revision book, absorbing the information like a sponge. He was almost positive that he was going to ace this exam. He was proud of himself that he actually managed to stay focused most of the time and not flailing around on the floor, suffering from an existential crisis. 

He notices that he’s been having those less since Phil moved in to live with him. He smiles at himself until he hears faint sobbing from the floor beneath him. Guilt flows through his body as he hears Phil desperately try to keep his crying to a minimum. In a way, Dan can’t really blame him. He took Phil against his will and took advantage of him. 

 _Oh my god. I took advantage of Phil_ , Dan thinks to himself. _At the time, I was sure that Phil enjoyed it. That was why Phil was hard, right? Surely he wanted it._

_Exactly, Dan. He was hard just for you. He loves you, you know. He just has a weird way of showing you._

The voice in Dan’s head was speaking back to him, reasoning him through the situation.

_But what about Phil? He deserves to be happy. He’s crying down there. He needs to be let go._

_Dan, you stupid boy! Don’t you see he likes it down there!_

Dan almost laughs at himself right then. He’s having an internal argument with himself. Maybe he was crazy.

_You’re not crazy, Dan. Remember, you’re doing this out of dedication. You know Phil loves you. You’ve seen it from the first time you’ve watched his videos. You’re dedicated, not crazy._

“I’m dedicated, not crazy,” Dan repeats out loud to himself. He convinced himself that Phil is okay, but he can’t help but think that maybe he isn’t.


	9. Chapter 9

Phil laid awake, half naked and vulnerable. His shorts were torn and his shirt was out of the question. All he had was his boxers and the uncomfortable mattress in which he laid on. His was awake out of paranoia and fear, fear that Dan would come down and rape him again. He jumps when he hears the unlocking of the door. His breaths were fast paced as he hears Dan descend from the ground floor.

Dan sees Phil curled up and he feels bad. At this point, he knows he should let Phil go, but all Phil will do is call authorities. He wouldn’t have that. So he sighs and tries to let Phil in. He wants Phil to know. 

“Phil, can we talk?”

Memories flood back into Phil’s head. The sickeningly, dirty touches along his chest, the loud moans from Dan, the way he used him for his own pleasure. Bile creeps its way up to his throat. He can’t take it anymore. He doesn’t want to be here anymore. He doesn’t want to be touched by Dan anymore. He doesn’t want to be near Dan anymore. 

“YES, DAN! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON’T HURT ME AGAIN.”

Dan’s face softens as he sees Phil trembling and flinching every time he tries to go near him. 

“Hey, Phil? Please look at me,” his eyes were warm and inviting and Phil was avoiding them. He hears Dan’s quiet tone and he almost wants to give in. But then the flashbacks come back. It always starts like this. Dan will act nice, too nice, to the point where Phil breaks and he’s just going to hurt him all over again. He feels Dan’s hand lightly grab his chin to try and gesture him to look at him, but all those slimy fingers feel like are burns to his skin, permanently leaving scars on his face. 

“STOP, PLEASE! GET AWAY FROM ME! I DON’T WANT THIS ANYMORE!” Phil is sobbing hysterically now, jerking his head out of Dan’s grasp. Dan lets him go, stepping away from Phil’s bed. Phil won’t even look at him. Why did he think he had a chance of talking to him? Dan quietly leaves the room, locking the door on his way out.

When Phil looks up, Dan was gone.

 _Where did he go?_ Phil wonders, looking around the room. Why didn’t Dan rape him? He didn’t even force him to say anything. His words were comforting, soft and nice, not intimidating and dark. Phil feels his heart flutter and he yells at himself to stop. Dan was not nice. Dan was not kind. Dan was not concerned for his health at all. Dan only wanted Phil for selfish reasons. He can’t fall for him after one tame encounter with him. He broke into his house for fucks sake! Phil sighs in defeat and collapses back onto the bed.

-

Dan can’t hear any crying from beneath him anymore, so he takes that as a good sign. Maybe all Phil needed was time alone. Maybe he should just revoke the deal. 

_That seems like the best idea, Dan. Good work. Have him fall in love with you on his own._

Great, the voice was back.

 _But he doesn’t love me_ , Dan replies to the voice, _You witnessed it. He flinches when I go near him. He doesn’t love me._

_You fool! He’s in denial. Of course he flinches. He’s afraid of admitting that he loves you._

_I think I need to get help. I’m talking to you, for god sake._

Dan sighs to himself and decides to block out the taunting voice. Dan knows Phil loves him. It’s just not in the way he wants him to. Phil loves him in the way he loves the rest of his fans. He loves them because they’re dedicated and there for him. They’re his audience. But Dan doesn’t want to be another fan. He wants to be that one fan that was there for him and always will be in times thick and thin. Phil would appreciate him more like that.

 _I’m not crazy_ , Dan reminds himself, _I’m dedicated._

But even then, Phil deserves more. He would appreciate Dan more if he was to let him go. That’s what he wants. He wants to be let go to be free from Crazy Dan. Dan hates the thought of Phil thinking he’s crazy, but that doesn’t stop the thought of him heading back down to the basement with a couple of supplies.

-

Dan unlocks the door and heads down the stairs to see Phil was sleeping peacefully. His face was relaxed and his body curled into himself in attempt to keep warm. Dan has to hold back an ‘awww’ as he gets closer to the sleeping body.

_Look at that, Daniel. He looks so vulnerable. You can take him again. Get him all worked up and take that precious body again._

The stupid voice was tempting. Phil did look exposed and unguarded. It would be so easy to take advantage of him again. 

No, he couldn’t do it. He needs to prove to Phil that he could be caring and that would be the way to make him fall in love with him. Dan hated to say that he was in love with Phil, even if he made Phil say it countless amounts of time. 

So to keep him from doing anything else, his attention turns to the items he was holding in his hands. The first thing he had is Phil’s little lion plush that he managed to pick up when he went by Phil’s house. He laid the lion next to Phil’s head, hoping he would be appreciative of it. 

The next thing was an alarm clock with the current time on it. It also had a built in radio so Phil wouldn’t become bored by himself. It had recently occurred to Dan that Phil had no idea if it was night or day down here. The least he could do was give him some sort of indicator of time. Dan sets that on the floor just to make sure Phil didn’t accidentally break it in his sleep. 

The last thing was a big, fluffy white blanket. He makes sure that Phil was covered completely, watching Phil physically relax his body and cuddle into the blanket. Dan smiles as he sees Phil sigh in content, probably out of instinct and not out of acknowledgment. Nonetheless, it still made Dan feel warm inside. 

He steps away from the bed, quietly creeping back up the stairs so he wouldn’t wake Phil. 

-


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for mentions of rape, panic attacks, and vomiting

A knock on the door awakes Phil from his slumber, prompting him to sit up. Phil rubs his eyes and they widen as he realises that he was covered in a white blanket. He throws the blanket off of his body, his heartbeat speeding up as thoughts about how it might’ve gotten to him in the first place creep into his head.

There’s knocking at the door again, and Phil stands up, wraps his arms around his almost naked body, and walks towards the door.

“Come in,” he croaks, his eyes squinting as light from the other side of the door fills the room. Dan stood there with a stack of waffles, causing Phil’s mouth to water. Phil swallows and licks his chapped lips, shuffling back into the bed. He wanted to stay away from Dan. He closes his eyes and whimpers as he feels the bed dip. “Please just do what you want with me and leave me alone. I don’t have anything left anyway.”

Dan sucks in a breath as he sees a tear slip from Phil’s eyes. Phil wipes the tear away and opens his eyes, staring at the delicious smelling food in front of him. His stomach growls and he bites the inside of his cheek, keeping himself from grabbing the plate from Dan. The younger boy holds the plate to Phil, silently offering it. With shaky hands, Phil takes the plate, trying to use all of his self control to eat like a civilized person. The hunger got the best of him and before any of the two could blink, Phil was shoveling the food into his mouth like a savage.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Phil,” Dan breaks the silence, causing Phil to pause what he was doing. Phil felt an uneasy tension pervade the room, his stomach twisting in knots. The lump appears back in his throat and he mentally punches himself for being so fucking weak. He sets the plate down and looks at Dan, who had tears threatening to spill as well. 

Anger bubbles up inside of him. Why is Dan crying? Shouldn’t _Phil_ be the one to cry? Dan has done nothing but take him away from everything he loved and kept him away from everyone. Dan used him and abused him for his own enjoyment, forcing him to say, “I love you,” or he won’t get any food. He had been treated with nothing but disrespect, yet Dan’s the one that’s crying?

Phil’s jaw clenches and he closes his fist tightly, his eyes narrowing at Dan. “You’re- You’re sorry?! What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You’re sorry that you kidnapped me and kept me as your own? You’re sorry that you _raped_ me and just left me there?” Phil’s chest is heaving, the words coming out of his mouth in continuous blubbers. “Can I just ask you why? Because I don’t have anything left. No one is out there looking for me. I’m just as good as dead. So why? Why did you take me? Why did you do this to me?”

Phil chokes on his own tears, his body shaking as he loses control of his breathing. He can feel sweat on his palms and frantically wipes them on his legs to try and make them go away. His vision was getting blurry and he was becoming lightheaded, the energy draining out of him. The room was spinning, but the only stable thing to hold onto was Dan, and that was something Phil didn’t want to do. The waffles made their way back up to Phil’s throat and he gags. He finally vomits the contents of his stomach, his tears coming down in constant streams. He just wants it all to stop. His body feels heavy and he falls back, his limbs feel like jelly as his eyelids grow heavy. The oxygen leaves his system and the whole room goes black. The last thing Phil remembers is Dan collapsing on top of his, sobbing into his chest the words, “You were my anchor.”

-

When Phil comes to, Dan is still in the same spot, curling into his chest and whispering the same thing over and over again. 

_“Anchor, anchor, anchor.”_

“Dan?” Phil’s voice cracks and he grimaces as he tastes the faint flavour of vomit still lingering in his mouth.

“I’m sorry, Phil. Honestly, I am,” Dan sobs into his chest before looking up, his eyes red and his nose runny. Phil’s lips press into a thin line.

“Why?”

“I thought you were my anchor, okay?”

“Dan, what’s an anch-”

“Let me explain. Please?”

Phil is silent, but he nods, listening to all that Dan has to say. Dan closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, his voice becoming shaky as he revisits the past.

“I was always picky. I was never satisfied with anything. I could never decide what to wear, or what to eat, or who to hang out with because it was never enough. You can imagine how well I was when I had to choose which Uni to go to. I’m not particularly good at anything, really, and when I turned 18, everything started to go down south. 

“My parents were never around, so I was always pretty lonely. Eventually, i just got fed up and I didn’t want to be alone anymore. That’s when I started dating. But nobody was perfect, not like you.”

Phil’s eyebrows furrow as he studies Dan’s face intently, “Where do I come in?”

“When I was dating, I started setting up standards. I didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t affectionate, but I also didn’t want to be with someone who _only_ wanted affection. It’s harder than you think, especially since almost everyone that I dated only wanted sex.

“I started searching for the perfect partner for me. Someone who was cuddly, but also witty and playful. Someone who can be serious and have this- This, I don’t know, dominant and perverted demeanor. Someone that can go from cute to sexy in just a matter of seconds. They’re the one I want to love, and in return, have them love me back. 

“So when I came across your videos on one fateful day, I knew you were the one. You fit my standards perfectly and I know coming across you was like one in a million. Phil, I don’t think you realise how lucky I felt in that moment. You with your lip bites and sticking your tongue out. You don’t know, do you?”

Phil shakes his head, Dan’s words confusing him, “But why kidnap me?”

“I needed an anchor. Someone to help me get through University while also providing me with cuddles and encouragement. You were perfect for the role, Phil, how could I not kidnap you?” Dan’s tone was hyper, almost psychotic. A pit started to form in Phil’s stomach. He was having a bad feeling about this. 

“I-I needed you, Phil. I needed you to love me and help me. I still need you. I’m doing the same for you, you know. I’m the most dedicated fan of you. I know practically everything about you, and I know you need support for your videos. You’ve helped me get so far and I’ve loved every second you’ve been here, but… I’m doing something wrong, aren’t I? I never wanted you to be afraid of me. I just want you to know that I love you, and I want you to love me back. I’m sorry.”

There was a pause as Dan waits for Phil to say something. Phil wasn’t quite convinced yet.

“But Dan, you can’t go around kidnapping people! You have to try and talk to the person, okay? You have to approach them nicely,” Phil speaks. Dan lets a couple tears slip and he glares at Phil. 

“I tried! But all you did was block me, remember?!” Dan raises his voice, causing Phil to physically flinch. Dan lets down all of his walls, allowing himself to cry in front of Phil. It didn’t matter anymore. He’s already told Phil his story. There’s nothing more to it. It isn’t fair. Phil can’t love him, not after this. 

“D-Dan. I’m sorry.”

Dan straightens up and wipes his eyes, “There’s no need to apologise. I’m keeping you here.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just let me go?” Phil asks, a sliver of hope forming in his head. This could be his chance. Dan clenches his jaw, his eyes narrowing angrily at Phil. 

“Yeah, because it’s easier to be free and away from Crazy Dan, right?”

“No, Dan, that’s not what I meant-”

“Okay, sure. Fine, I get it, you could never love me, but I’m not letting you go,” Dan spits, standing up from the bed and heading towards the door.

“Why not?” Phil shouts after him, his hands gripping the remains of his shorts. 

“Why not? Because you’ll call the authorities and have me arrested. I won’t be able to come back for you. I don’t want that, but I have a feeling you do. You just want to get away from me. Well, I won’t have it. You’re stuck with me, Phil Lester. I’ll find a way to make you love me.”

The door slams shut, leaving Phil alone in the darkness of the basement. 


	11. Chapter 11

Phil stares at the clock, watching as the minutes, the hours, the days pass by. It was about a week after Dan’s confession, and Phil was laying on the uncomfortable bed, his stomach growling at the lack of food he’d been receiving. He wonders if Dan was doing this to punish Phil, or if he was just ignoring him. Phil didn’t know, and he probably will never know, not at this rate. 

He has been getting food from Dan, just not the same way as he’d be receiving it before. Dan barely goes down to the basement anymore, because instead, he spends his nights staying up and pacing around the room, and his days sleeping the pain away. He’d give Phil bread to eat and water to drink, but he only gave Phil the bare minimum.  Phil could feel himself slowly losing himself, to the hunger, and to the madness of being confined in the same place for god knows how long. He didn’t even remember what the outside world looked like, not even the pure colour of the skies and trees. All he had were memories of his house and the events that occurred on that one, fateful night.

-

_Knock knock._

_“If you don’t open the door, I’m gonna have to find a way to get in there myself, and I don’t think you want that. You’re going to regret it if you don’t let me in,” Dan says tauntingly. Phil should’ve listened. He should’ve opened the door. He’s making things worse._

_He should’ve listened._

-

The recollection of that night played over and over in Phil’s head, his eyes squeezing shut, his hands covering his ears as he tried to block out the knocking. The knocking won’t stop, constantly thumping in a continuous beat, bringing Phil closer and closer to the brink of suffocating.

_Knock knock._

_Knock knock._

_KNOCK KNOCK._

He should’ve listened. Dan wouldn’t have done this is he just listened.

_Knock knock._

Phil’s eyes shoot open, seeing nothing but white, feeling nothing but numb as he runs towards the door of the basement, pounding against it.

“STOP KNOCKING!” he yells, “I’ll let you in!”

He slides down against the door, hitting his head against it, the thuds resonating throughout the dead empty basement. He can’t feel his hands, he can’t feel anything, but the slow insanity taking over his brain, sending him into a pit of morose. He sobs, slowly losing his voice, whispering, “I’ll let you in,” before passing out.

-

Dan unlocks the door, only to find Phil lying against it, his breaths uneven, his body twitching every so often. Dan bites his lip, knowing that he shouldn’t do this, but Phil deserves more than this. He carefully picks Phil up and carries him to his own bedroom, delicately placing him on the soft, plush bed. He watches as Phil relaxes and curls in on himself, shaking less than before. 

It occurred to him that Phil hadn’t been outside in a very long time. He sighs, pondering whether or not he should. The possibilities of Phil running away were endless, and the thought of Phil just leaving him and having him taken away was something that he didn’t even want to stomach. But Phil seems so unhappy, and even if he didn’t love Dan back, Dan at least wanted him to know that he loves him too, not in the obsessed - dedicated - way he’s been showing this whole time. With that in mind, Dan leaves the room, trying to come up with things to do to make Phil happy again. 

-

As Phil awakens, he is met with sun. He bolts up, his head turning in all directions, trying to make sense at the sudden change of atmosphere. He didn’t recognise anything, everything so unfamiliar.

“Dan?” Phil calls, his body starting to shake again. Dan enters the room, his arms across his chest, careful not to stand too close to Phil. 

“Yes, Phil? You need anything? Are you hungry?” Dan asks with concern. Phil doesn’t sense the sickeningly sweet tone Dan used when he wanted something. His voice was filled with worry, and Phil could feel his heart speed up as for the first time, he didn’t see the crazy guy that kidnapped him. He saw a person with passion, with care. Phil peels his eyes away from Dan and he nods, prompting Dan to leave the room and make some food. 

When Dan comes back, Phil is gnawing at his lip, his arms hugging his legs against his chest. Dan silently offers the food, making sure not to say anything that could possibly trigger Phil. He didn’t want Phil to be afraid anymore. He wanted Phil to know that he cared. Taking the plate into his hand, Phil cleans his plate, trying to eat a leisurely pace before giving up and shoveling through again.

“I know I haven’t been the nicest to you, but I want to make it up to you. How would you like to go shopping with me? I kind of… I kind of ruined your cl-clothes, and I’m really sorry about it, so I want you to come with me to buy new ones. There’s no budget. I’ll buy anything for you, okay?” Dan smiles warmly and holds out his hand, waiting to see if Phil accepts his proposal. Phil nods but keeps his hands to himself, causing Dan to frown and withdraw his hand. He moves to the drawer and pulls out a black t-shirt and some jeans before throwing it at Phil. “Get changed into these. Let me know when you’re finished.”

Phil fakes a smile and waits for Dan to leave. He gets off the bed and strips down to his boxers, which were a little tattered. He pulls on the shirt, and then the jeans, fixing his hair before calling Dan back in. Dan enters with a hat and sunglasses.

“Here, put these on as well. I can’t risk anyone recognising you in public,” Dan speaks hesitantly, hoping that Phil would understand. Phil silently takes the hat and sunglasses and puts them on. He walks to the mirror and chuckles, checking himself out.

“I don’t look _that_ bad,” Phil snickers, his tongue sticking out, effectively making Dan’s heart melt. He feels his cheeks heat up as Dan’s eyes never left his mouth, and he looks away, breaking the moment with a question. “Are we leaving now?”

“Um, yes. Sorry, I’m just… You’re beautiful, Phil. I know I’ve never told you, but you are,” Dan whispers as his hand turns the door handle. Phil has to try and force himself not to smile, not to fall for Dan. Not after what he’s done. Phil offers a tiny smile before exiting the room, Dan closely following behind him. 

Leading Phil to the front door, Dan stops him for just a moment before opening the door. This was Phil’s first time stepping outside in weeks, opening endless possibilities and scenarios for Phil to try and run away from Dan. Dan grabs Phil’s hand, lacing their fingers together in a tight, but delicate hold. Phil looks at Dan with a questioning look.

“I-I don’t want you to leave me. I just want to know that you’ll be here. Please don’t let go of my hand,” Dan begs slightly, looking down at their hands. He smiles at sight before letting it fade as he waits for Phil’s reply.

“Okay.”

Dan feels the corners of his mouth lift and he opens the door, allowing Phil to step out first. 

“It’s beautiful. I’ve missed the grass, and the sky, and the wind, and the sun, and… And,” Phil starts crying after not even 5 minutes of being outside. Dan pulls Phil into a tight hug, bracing himself for rejection. Instead, he feels Phil’s arms wrap around him lightly, skeptical to hug him back, afraid that Dan will do something to betray him. 

“You’re okay, Phil. I know you are,” Dan whispers into Phil’s hair as Phil sniffles, his legs giving in before collapsing on the pavement. He lets Phil lay there for a bit, allowing him to take in the sun, the slightly cold breeze blowing in the air, the sounds of leaves rustling. It truly was breathtaking. Everything from the ambience around them, to the beautiful man splayed out like a starfish.

When Phil was finished, he stood up, wiping his eyes. “I’m sorry you had to see that. This is all just so overwhelming. Thank you.”

Dan grins and entangles their fingers together again. They head towards the city, ready to start Phil’s shopping adventure.

-

Phil is dragging Dan from store to store, from clothes rack to clothes rack, contemplating whether or not he should buy this, or buy that. Dan laughs and beams the entire time, because the people in the shopping center were giving them stares and showering them with compliments, almost as if they really were a couple. Phil was acting quite bubbly, too high on the fact that he was outside, and not in the dark, scary basement that he spent most of his days in. 

“Oh! And then after this, we should probably get something to eat. You know what I haven’t had in a long time? Starbucks,” Phil is grinning, bouncing with every step. 

“You seem awfully happy, Phil. Are you sure you’re okay?” Dan jokes, leading Phil into the food court. Dan allows Phil to order whatever he likes, too happy by the way Phil was acting. 

As Phil downed his drink, he jiggled his leg, looking around at all of the other people.

“It’s so nice to be surrounded by people again. I’ve missed it,” Phil says, making Dan’s heart stop. Suddenly, a pit appears in his stomach, gnawing away all of the bubbly feelings he’s managed to keep all day. He feels so bad, so fucking bad, because Phil doesn’t deserve to be hidden and kept. He deserves to be a part of the world, continuing to make his audience happy, just like he did to Dan when he was still watching him. 

“I’m- I’m sorry, Phil. I want to let you go, but I just want to know if you trust me first, really trust me. I’m just so alone, and I love your company. I just don’t want you to leave me,” Dan’s lip is quivering and he takes it between his teeth, biting down harshly to keep himself from crying in public.

“I won’t do that to you, Dan. You’ve done some horrible things to me, and I probably will never be the same again, but the fact that you’ve opened up to me, and talked to me, it means a lot. I’ll get there soon, Dan. I promise,” Phil smiles reassuringly, his brain trying to convince him that he was saying the right things. There was still a little part of him that still didn’t trust Dan, and he wasn’t quite ready to let it go yet.

-

It has been two weeks since the shopping day, and since then, Dan had taken Phil out every few days. Whether it was to the park, or just even to a fast food restaurant, Phil enjoyed every second of it, laughing more than usual, his mood brightened with every passing day. 

During their shopping adventure, Phil managed to convince Dan to buy fairy lights to hang up in his room in the basement. Dan agreed, thinking that it was the least he could do. He would let Phil sleep in his room, but he only had one bed and considering what he’s done to Phil, he was sure that Phil would refuse to sleep in the same bed. Therefore, he tried his best to turn the basement into something warm, almost inviting.

Dan was now leading Phil to an obscene park, hidden away from the rest of the world. It’s lake was crystal clear, practically sparkling underneath the warm, radiating sun. The grass was soft, plush, and a very apparent green colour, making it seem almost unrealistic. The place could only be described as “out of a fairytale,” because no words, no description, no _picture_ could do the place justice. Dan found the park absolutely exquisite, wanting to share it’s beauty with Phil. 

“Okay, we’re here! Open your eyes!” Phil opens his eyes, audibly gasping before cupping his hand over his mouth, taking in the seemingly heavenly view.

“Oh my god,” Phil starts, feeling the tears start to spill from his eyes. One slides down his cheek and he catches it, sniffling before trying to stop himself from bawling. “God, Dan, it’s beautiful.”

The corners of Dan’s mouth tilt up. The view truly was beautiful. The sun was shining directly onto Phil, as if he was an angel. 

“You’re beautiful,” Dan whispers, causing Phil to look at the floor. Dan’s cheeks heat up and he turns attention to the picnic basket that he brought along. He coughs to attempt to push away the awkwardness lingering in the air. He pulls out a two sandwiches, one with cheese and one without, knowing that Phil didn’t like cheese. The crusts were cut off and the sandwich itself was cut in a triangle. After that, he pulled out two glasses and a bottle of red wine.

“I know I haven’t been the best person, but I at least want to give you this,” Dan breaks the silence, handing the sandwich to Phil. Phil smiles gratefully and takes the sandwich, popping open the bottle of wine before pouring it into the glasses. 

After they were finished eating, Phil looks at Dan, taking in his appearance. A dimple was apparent on Dan’s left cheek, and Phil feels himself smiling at the view. He looks down, scolding himself for looking at his captor like this. Nothing bad has happened to him for two weeks, and he could slowly feel himself becoming more comfortable with Dan, almost trusting him. He knows he shouldn’t, not when Dan doesn’t want to let him go, but Dan was caring. Dan cared.

“Thank you. Honestly. This was so beautiful, and I’m really happy,” Phil smiles, pulling Dan into a hug. Dan beams in Phil’s arms, hugging him back with urgency. 

“It’s not a problem,” Dan replies, pulling away. He starts to pack up their food and allows Phil to walk around the secret park. As he stuffs the last item into the basket, he glances over to find Phil staring into the crystal clear lake, his fingertips grazing just on the surface of the water. He seemed entranced by the way it glistened underneath the sunshine, mirroring his reflection perfectly. Dan would be lying if he said that Phil wasn’t as stunning as he was. 

When Phil was finished, Dan beckons him over to him before heading back to his house.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for night terrors and smut

The night terrors didn’t occur that often anymore, Phil could tell you that much. Dan had been treating him nicely and with care, showering him with attention, smiles, and, may he dare say, actual love. But that didn’t stop the nightmares from seeping into his head, consuming him with haunting images of being alone. He was here with Dan and everything was okay, but why weren’t his parents looking for him? Didn’t they care?

Phil tossed and turned, the fairy lights hanging above him blurring into specks as he tried to stop the pounding in his head.

_No escape._

_Stuck forever._

_Useless._

Phil’s hands reach for his hair, pulling it harshly as he bit his tongue to attempt to not scream. He threw his legs up in the air, kicking the soft, white blanket off of his body. His grip on his hair releases and he punches the wall beside him again, and again, and again. He finally lets a sob erupt from his throat and he found himself screaming, awaking Dan, who was sleeping above him. 

He hears the patter of Dan’s feet become louder as he approaches the basement door. He covers his ears when he hears the door unlocking.

“Phil?” Dan asks cautiously, inching closer to Phil, who had his eyes shut tightly, rocking back and forth on the bed.

“I-I… Dan?” Phil’s eyes open a tiny bit so he was now looking at him. 

“Yes, Phil, it’s just me. It’s only me,” Dan’s voice was soothing and comforting. Phil lunges towards him, wrapping his arms around Dan’s body, craving for affection and love.

“I miss my parents,” Phil mumbles into Dan’s chest, reminding Dan of an eight year old boy. But at the sound of Phil’s words, Dan felt a pang in his chest. He wants to let Phil go, but then he would be alone. Phil’s been the best company he’s ever had, and the thought of Phil leaving him, that was something Dan didn’t want to even think about.

But the guilt has been sitting in his gut for too long; gnawing its way deeper into his system, consuming him with shame. He thinks he’s ready to let Phil go, but he needs Phil. His attention turns to the lion plush that he gave to Phil, and he feels his heart melt. The little plush was clasped firmly in Phil’s hand, his body slightly shaking as he attempted to calm down.

“You’ll be okay, Phil. I promise,” Dan whispers into Phil’s hair, lightly kissing his head. Phil feels himself nuzzling into Dan’s touch, physically relaxing as all of his thoughts about home disappear. They lay there for a while, Dan’s cheek resting on Phil’s, starting to doze out of reality.

“Hey, Dan?” Phil breaks the silence, his voice shaky. “Do you think you’ll ever let me go?”

Dan tenses up, closes his eyes, and swallows. “I-I don’t really know, Phil. I don’t want to be alone again.”

Pushing out of Dan’s arms, Phil looks at him, biting his lip anxiously. He knows he can’t leave Dan alone, but he can’t keep living like this. Even if Dan’s trying his best to keep Phil happy, even if he doesn’t treat him like he did when he first got here, Phil wants to be free again. He wants to breathe again and not be worried about anyone forgetting who he was.

“Listen, Dan, I know you don’t want to be alone. I know how much I help you, and yes, over the past few weeks, you’ve made me very happy. I trust you enough to know that you won’t harm me anymore, which is why I want to help you, but there isn’t a lot I can do locked in a basement, as pretty as it is,” Phil speaks in one breath, catching Dan’s eye. He watches as a tear slips from it, and he catches the tear with his thumb.

“You- you say that, but I know it isn’t true. This is just a trick to get me to let you go. You just want to go away. Everyone I’ve known wanted to go away, so how do I know if you’re any different? At least here I know you won’t run away,” Dan counters, his chest heaving as he lets out long sobs.

“Dan, I promise you, I won’t leave you,” Phil whispers, pulling Dan into his chest. It was his turn to take care of the younger man, and for the first time, he let his feelings control his actions. 

“How do I know you won’t?” Dan’s voice cracks and he brings his hands to his eyes to rub the tears away. His actions are stopped by Phil, who was taking his hands into his own. Dan swallows as Phil leans in close, his eyes fluttering shut as the distance between them grows smaller. The gap closes and Dan feels Phil’s lips on his, willingly moving against his. He couldn’t help but kiss back, the butterflies returning to his stomach as he felt Phil’s hands caress his cheek. Phil pulls Dan into his lap, Dan’s arms wrapping around his neck as their lips start to move faster. He feels Dan’s tongue push against his lip, silently asking for entrance. Phil opens his mouth and Dan’s tongue slides in, their tongues now pushing against each other. Dan is the first one to pull away.

“Are you sure about this, Phil?” Dan asks, his eyes scanning Phil’s body. Phil’s eyes were dilated and he licks his lips before nodding and attempting to kiss Dan again. 

“More than anything,” Phil responds, adjusting their bodies so that Dan was hovering over him.

“Tell me if I need to stop and I will,” Dan whispers against Phil’s neck, gently placing his lips over it. He sucks the skin and licks over it, eliciting a moan from Phil. He lifts Phil’s shirt off, revelling in the sight of his fair skin. “God, you’re beautiful.”

Phil blushes and he entwines his fingers into Dan’s hair, pushing him lower as he bucks his hips up in the air. Dan kisses down his chest, stopping at his nipples. His lips attach onto one, flicking his tongue over the nub, smiling around it as he feels Phil start to writhe beneath him. He does the same thing on the other side, his hand trailing down to squeeze Phil’s cock. 

“Yes,” Phil hisses, shocks of pleasure shooting through his body as his length was finally given attention. He feels Dan’s hot breath over his cock and his fingers on his buttons, skillfully undoing it. Dan slides Phil’s pants off before mouthing over Phil’s erection, causing Phil to arch his back as he feels the warm wetness seeping through his boxers. Dan’s tongue grazes over the rough material, sucking on Phil through underwear.

“More, please,” Phil begs, using his own hands to tug his boxers off of his body, releasing his painfully hard erection. Dan’s mouth envelopes the tip of Phil’s cock, suckling lightly at the head, collecting the bubbling precum with his tongue. Phil groans at the feeling and bucks his hips up erratically, his eyes sealed shut as blinding ecstasy takes over his body. “God, I wanna fuck you.”

Upon hearing these words, Dan pulls off and wipes his mouth.

“Fuck, are you sure?” Dan questions, his hand wrapping around Phil’s length to keep him occupied.

“Hell yes,” Phil grits back, needing to feel Dan’s mouth, Dan’s warmth, Dan’s anything around his cock again. 

“I’ll be right back then. Let me just grab the lube,” Dan comments, running out of the basement as fast as he can. He didn’t even think about the possibilities of Phil using this as an opportunity to escape. He trusted him, and fuck, he chose the right thing, because when he returned back to the basement, Phil was still laying there, hand around his cock, pumping it at a leisurely pace.

“God, you’re so hot,” Dan mutters, biting his lip as he approaches Phil again. He strips down completely and grabs his own dick, stroking it a few times to relieve the tension. He positions himself between Phil’s legs and opens the bottle of lube before pouring some onto his fingers, leaning back, and balancing on one arm. His finger circles around his entrance and he feels his own cock twitch against his stomach. He swallows at the feeling and pushes the finger in, throwing his head back at the sound of Phil’s low moans. 

Phil’s eyes were fixated on Dan’s finger, slowly moving in and out of his hole, occasionally stopping to curl against his prostate. Phil’s pace on his own cock was slow, the want to fuck Dan clouding his brain. He watches as Dan inserts another finger, and then later a third, and he couldn’t help but moan along with Dan.

Once Dan was sure he was finished stretching, he grabs Phil’s cock using the leftover lube still on his hands. His stroking became a lot easier and Phil’s eyes roll to the back of his, his chest heaving and his heart speeding at the feeling of Dan’s hand on him.

“Please,” Phil begs, clutching onto Dan’s waist. Dan hovers over Phil before switching their positions. Dan now laid under Phil, having a perfect view of his outgrown fringe covering his face, his light tufts of chest hair, and his arm muscles, which were currently very apparent. Phil lines himself up with Dan’s hole, his hot, leaking tip just touching it.

“Go,” Dan whispers, sitting up slightly to bite Phil’s shoulder. Phil pushes through the ring of muscles, letting out a long moan as he slides in. He can feel Dan breathing through his nose harshly, trying to endure the slight pain. 

“You’re okay,” Phil’s words were comforting, and he stayed in that position until Dan was sure he could move. Phil begins to pull out slightly before pushing back in, aiming slightly towards an estimate of where Dan’s prostate would be. Dan shifts a little underneath him, guiding his cock towards his spot. He lets out a moan as Phil’s tip hits it.

“More,” Dan mewls, his arms encasing Phil in a tight hug, his blunt fingernails scratching lightly on his back. Phil paces quickens, pistoning his hips forcefully against Dan, Dan letting out a moan every time Phil pushes in. 

“God, yes!” Phil yells out as Dan decides to clench around him. He moves against him, hitting Dan’s prostate every time. With every movement, he feels himself getting closer and closer to the edge. Dan looks so beautiful, and everything about him is so vulnerable in this moment. Phil swallows as he thrusts a couple more times. “M’close.”

“Me too,” Dan whimpers back, his legs wrapping around Phil to give him easier access. There was a thin layer of sweat covering both of their bodies, the sound of soft grunts and hips slapping against each other fill the room. Phil releases one more growl before tumbling off of the edge, spilling into Dan. Dan lets go shortly after, his breathing slowing down as he came down from his high. He feels Phil pull out of him and he frowns at the empty feeling. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, Dan. You just have to trust me, okay?” Phil murmurs into Dan’s ear, stroking his hair as Dan starts to slip into sleep. 

“I trust you. I’ll let you go, Phil, but please don’t leave me. You’re free,” Dan smiles before closing his eyes, leaving Phil to dwell on his thoughts.

_You’re free._

_You’re free._

-

It was the next morning and Dan wakes up in the arms of Phil. He smiles to himself, the memories of last night seeping back into his brain. He set Phil free, but he hasn’t left him. Dan tightens his hold on Phil and kisses Phil’s cheek, effectively waking up the elder.

“Why, good morning, Dan,” Phil mumbles, kissing Dan on the lips before grimacing at the taste of morning breath.

“Mornin’,” Dan replies, sitting up and looking around for his boxers. He finds them and slips them on before clambering out of bed. “I’ll be upstairs making breakfast if you need me.”

“Sounds good,” Phil feels the corners of his mouth tilt up as he watches Dan leave the basement without hearing any doors locking. He was finally free. He can go home. 

Phil pulls on his boxers from last night as well, feeling slightly uncomfortable as they still haven’t fully dried. He makes his way up the stairs and navigates his way to the kitchen. The smell of bacon fills the air and Phil could feel his mouth salivating. He sits down at the table and waits for Dan to finish, watching him fondly. Dan was whistling a happy tune and swinging his hips as he finished cooking. Once he was done, he sits with Phil and sets down the plate, offering to Phil, who gratefully took a couple pieces.

A pit started to form in Phil’s stomach, and he could feel his appetite slowly diminishing. He bites into a piece of bacon, the thought of finally going home fresh in his head. 

 _But I can’t just leave him_ , Phil thinks to himself, staring at Dan, who was on his phone, scrolling through something he couldn’t distinguish. He wanted to help Dan, but the thought of returning back into the captivity of Dan was off putting. He knew he was free, but was he _really_ free? Phil clears his throat, grabbing Dan’s attention.

“I’m- I… I have decided to live with you,” Phil lets the words come out before he could stop them. He watches Dan’s eyes light up and he feels guilt forming in his gut.

“You- You have?” Dan smiles widely, standing up from his chair to walk over to Phil. He envelopes him in a tight hug, and Phil hears him sniffle. Phil fakes a smile. 

_Liar. You aren’t going to stay with him._

“Yeah, I have. I just… Later today, I have to go back home to collect some stuff. Is that okay?” Phil asks cautiously, and Dan nods, too happy by the fact that Phil wanted to live with him. He no longer wanted to escape from him. Phil was his.

“That’s fine. I’ll be here if you need me. Do you want me to come with you?” Dan inquires, standing up and taking his and Phil’s finished plates. He was too occupied to see the uncertainty flash across Phil’s face.

“N-no, it’s fine. I’ll be okay. Thank you for everything, Dan,” Phil fakes a smile, trying his best to mask the guilt of the thought of him turning Dan in. He had to. Dan needed help. 

“It’s no problem. Be back soon, please,” Dan hugs Phil tightly after he was finished putting away the dishes. He kisses Phil on the forehead and leaves the room, causing Phil to let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. 

“Fuck,” Phil mutters to himself as he heads down to his room to change into some clothes. Dan trusts him so much and he thinks that Phil’s going to walk back into his arms, but he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand that he’s mentally stable. He has something that Phil can’t fix, and if Phil tries to fix it himself, he’s going to end up as miserable as he was when he was first kidnapped. 

Phil pulls his jeans up and heads towards the front door, calling at Dan to tell him that he was leaving.

“I’ll miss you!” Dan yells back before returning to his revising, a smile stretched across his face the whole time.

-

Here he was.

He was standing in front of his parents’ house in Manchester, and he could feel all kinds of emotions bubbling up inside of him. He rings the doorbell, hoping, praying, wishing that his parents were inside, waiting for him and missing him. Martyn opens the door, and he almost shuts the door in Phil’s face because he didn’t believe it was actually him.

“Phil! Oh my god, Phil!” Martyn exclaims, pulling Phil into a tight hug, causing Phil to break down in his arms. There the two brothers stood, holding each other in a secure hug, both of them afraid that if they pull away, Phil would disappear again. “Mum! Dad! It’s Phil!”

Phil hears loud steps rushing towards the door, and he saw his mother for the first time in weeks. 

“Mum!” Phil chokes out, the tall, awkward boy towering over his mother, who was bawling her eyes out.

“Where did you go? Oh, my baby boy. Where did you go?” his mum cries into his chest, her mascara running down her face.

“I’m- I’m free, mum. He- he kept me, but now I’m free! God, I never want to go back,” Phil blubbers, his mind swirling, overwhelmed by the fact that he was _home_ and not with Dan. 

“Baby, who’s he?” his mum’s voice was soft, patting and rubbing his back as they both attempt to calm down.

“Dan. He took me because he thought I could help him, but I can’t! I can’t, mum, I can’t, and he’s going to find out that I don’t want to go back and he’s going to do bad things to me again. But he’s so nice. He loves me, and I think I love him, but I can’t help him. Mum…” Phil’s words smushed into a giant sentence, his crying hysterical at the thought of Dan. Martyn enters the room with a cup of tea and he offers it to his brother, gesturing him to drink it. 

“Phil, honey, calm down. Come on, breathe. You’re okay. You’re not with Dan. You’re with us,” his mum coddles, pressing kisses to his cheek. Phil takes deep breaths, his heart rate slowing down. He takes the mug from Martyn and sips before collapsing onto the couch. Once he was sure he was calm, he speaks.

“I n-need to call the authorities. Dan needs help, but not from me. I-I care about him, mum, even if he did do some horrible things to me. But he’s treated me with care for the last weeks that I was there, and I want him to know that I’m doing this because I care for him. I don’t want him to spiral into the darkness anymore,” Phil explains, chewing on his lips as he was handed the phone.

“You’re okay, Phil. You’re okay,” his mum whispers, kissing his forehead before asking if he would be okay by himself. He nods and he dials the number, but he couldn’t help but let a tear slip from his eye. The line picks up and he begins the story from the beginning.

-

Phil leads the tall, guarded men towards Dan’s house. He stands in front of the door and brings his hand up to knock on the door.

But he couldn’t muster the courage to knock. 

The thought of betrayal flashing across Dan’s face appears in Phil’s head and he swallows thickly. A cough from behind him draws him out of his thoughts.

“Are you going to open the door or not?” a man demands, rather sassily Phil might add.

“Y-yeah,” Phil pauses and knocks. He takes deep breaths to try and steady his heartbeat, but he could feel it pounding in his chest in an unsteady beat.

_Thud thud._

_Thud._

_Thud._

His eyes close as he hears the door unlocking, and the men standing behind him took their stance, posed defensively. The door opens, and Phil feels so _fucking_ bad. 

Dan stood in front of him, his hands cupping his mouth as he tries to hold back a cry.

“I’m sorry,” Phil says weakly, making Dan glare at him. Dan’s jaw clenches and he lunges forward, knocking Phil down. He grabs the collar of Phil’s shirt and holds him close to his face forcefully. He was about to throw Phil’s head onto the pavement, but the men were too quick. They grabbed Dan by his arms and legs, causing him to thrash helplessly in their grip.

“I trusted you!” Dan yells, his face red and tears streaming down his face. “I hate you!”

The men carry Dan to their van, one of them opening up the door before stuffing him inside. Once Dan was inside, he was buckled down, his arms and legs bound together so he couldn’t attempt to escape. The window rolls down and Phil stands outside, trying to catch Dan’s eye, but Dan refused to look. 

“Dan? Dan, you have to look at me. Please,” Phil attempts to talk, his voice cracking as he tries not to cry at the state of him. Dan looked so vulnerable, so helpless, and his eyes were big and brown, almost innocent. Dan looks up and grits his teeth, contemplating whether he should try to bite Phil’s face off or not.

“Dan, you have to know that I do care for you-”

“Bullshit.”

“Listen to me!” Phil yells, startling the younger. “I care for you, and I’m doing this because I care. I can’t help you, even if I did try. I’m just Phil. I’m not a doctor, or anyone that can help you. You have to believe me.”

“You are enough! You’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been, and I’ve been doing fine with you!”

“Dan, please,” Phil’s volume was slowly dying, his voice lowering to a whisper. “I know I’m not supposed to, but you’ve made me happy too. You took care of me, treated me with protection and affection, feeding me, loving me… Dan, I love you too, and I’m doing this because I love you.”

Dan breaks down and he bites his lip harshly, his body relaxing before heaving as he hears Phil’s confession. His face turns red and he slams his bounded fists on the car seat repeatedly. 

“God, I love you too,” Dan bawls, his brown, messy fringe sticking to his face. 

“A-and you won’t be alone when they take you away. I’ll visit you everyday, I promise,” the words leave Phil’s mouth before he could stop them. He didn’t mean it. It’s not good. He loves Dan, but he shouldn’t make promises he shouldn’t keep. 

“You will?”

“Yeah.”

And suddenly, the resisting stops. Dan sits in the car, slowly calming down from his fit. The driver looks back.

“Are you guys finished?” he asks, looking back and forth between Dan and Phil. Dan nods and he turns towards Phil, a peaceful smile stretched on his face. Phil fakes a smile and steps back, the sound of the car engine starting ringing in his ears. He watches as the car drives away, finally taking his captor away. Phil releases a breath and he closes his eyes. 

He’s made a promise to Dan that he couldn’t keep, but it didn’t matter,

Because he was finally free. 


	13. Chapter 13

_One year later._

-

“Hey guys! So today, was the weirdest day. You guys know that I’m prone to, like, meeting weird people, right? Well today…”

Phil’s voice fills the room, bouncing off the walls, echoing throughout the bare walls. Dan laid on his bed watching as the youtuber talked lively about his experience with some man that thought he was a goat. Dan allows himself to smile as he watches the screen fondly, maintaining eye contact with the Phil on the screen.

A sinking feeling appears in his chest as he thinks back to when Phil used to hold him, laugh and smile with him, _love_ him. Phil promised to visit him everyday while he was here, walking him through the whole process until he was safe to get out. Despite what he said, Phil never returned, and Dan was left to himself, pondering whether he hallucinated it all or not. 

He looks around the blank walls, his eyes wide and face expressionless as a numb feeling overtakes his body. Where was Phil? Why hadn’t he come back? His eyes move back to the screen, staring longingly at the pixilated picture. 

He had to get out.

He had to escape.

He didn’t want to be here anymore. 

“Phil?” Dan calls out blindly, shifting on the bed. A nurse, Dan thinks her name is Tiffany, or Tammy, or something, walks through the locked door.

“Dan? Honey, Phil isn’t here,” the nurse says calmly, patting his forehead with a cloth to dry his head. 

“Why not? I want Phil!” Dan tries to move his arms, but his arms were bound to the headboard of his bed, his feet in the same state. “Phil! I want Phil!”

“Dan, Phil isn’t here,” the nurse’s voice shakes, backing away from the struggling Dan.

“Phil! Phil!”

The nurse steps away to grab the sedative, injecting it into Dan before he could resist.

“Phil…”

The nurse leaves and approaches the main psychiatrist, who was patiently waiting behind Dan’s door.

“He’s still looking for this ‘Phil,’ sir,” the nurse reports. The doctor furrows his eyebrows and peeks through the window, watching as Dan slipped in and out of reality. He presses his lips together and walks away, leaving Dan to wallow in his thoughts.

He no longer had his anchor, the person that was keep him from breaking, but now Dan was all alone with nothing to hold him down. He lets out one more word before slipping into darkness, an image of a certain man with black hair and blue eyes consuming his mind.

“Phil…”


End file.
